Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
