he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
