I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
