I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
