Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
