im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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