Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
