Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
