Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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