It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
