I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
