And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
