Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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