margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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