I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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