a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
