What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
