I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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