So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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