I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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