matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
