I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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