Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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