How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
