I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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