I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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