I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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