dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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