Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well you can't waste a boner
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
