I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
