matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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