True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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