mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
