I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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