god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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