The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
