I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
