He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
