You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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