paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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