you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
