if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
