I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
