Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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