I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
