Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
