i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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