I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
