u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
