Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
