i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
