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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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