I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
