I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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