Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
