every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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