I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize