Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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