I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
