so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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