Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
