Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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