john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want nice things and good sex
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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