How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
