i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
