i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
