How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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