If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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