9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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