my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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