Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
