I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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