i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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