he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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