You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is that strawberry winking at me??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
